So I recently made my first contract with someone. But they the step that takes your D/s relationship to a deeper level? Or are they extra paper-work? Is a contract necessary to solidify a power exchange? The views on contracts differ from person to person.
To begin with- let’s define what a contract is. Like a legal contract, a kink contract is a written document – written or typed that lays out the rules and expectations for the sub and the dominant. Does an ideal D/s relationship lead to a full contract? Not necessarily, in my opinion! I enjoy letting my D/s dynamics grow and change with time, so a contract needs to be flexible. Just because I asked you to clean my apartment last week, doesn’t mean this is your only role. I enjoy exploring new tasks, experiments, pleasures with different subs. Having too much structure early on can limit the dynamic.
Some Dominants enjoy the strict control, and some like to micro-manage the details of what their sub can do. Micro-managing isn’t my style of domination.
My style is: I whisper into your ear “guess what we’re going to do today.” You have no idea what we’re going to do today. There’s a mix of nerves, anticipation and excitement at finding out what I’ve cooked up.
But I will say, contracts are good for some things:
They maintain a list of rules and instructions
If there is a consistent rule I want to implement, I might use a simple contract. You can have rules without a contract too. But if you have many rules for your sub, writing them down makes them easy to follow.
They set expectations
Your sub knows what their role is, what tasks or services you want them to do. If you expect your slave to always show up in a maid uniform, a contract makes this very clear.
They can create a routine
When there is something you need weekly/ daily, schedule it. Your sub will remember to show up when there’s a schedule. I.E- a weekly massage, nightly oral service, etc.
They can put your sub at ease
Some subs really shine when they have a structure to follow, and others struggle to keep up with it. Some submissives need clear guidelines to be the best sub they can be.
I usually don’t write contracts early on. I would much rather explore someone and see what their natural role is. A role can be: an experimental subject, a service sub, a chore-boy, a masochist. Once I see my sub’s natural role, then making a contract makes sense.
Sometimes I meet subs who want to jump into a total power exchange relationship with contract, immediately! They think that having a contract will somehow make the power exchange legitimate. The real legitimate power dynamic is not built off a symbolic gesture like a contract. It’s built off having a strong connection. The subs/slaves who will be the best subs are the ones who genuinely admire me and want to submit. A contract will not be a substitute for devotion.
Using a contract too early with a new sub can also be a guarantee for failure. Even when people think they can suddenly follow a new set of rules – they’ll probably mess up. It takes some time to for subs to get used to my style, my desires, my tasks.
So is a contract necessary? For me, certainly not. Contracts have their purposes, but they can also be misused. A contract will not make a D/s dynamic any more “real” than it already is. What makes a good, solid D/s dynamic is the people in it.